Would life be “better” if i was a child?
Diary 21.12.2020
On my wall I have a family-photograph from when I was fiveish. …and I’m listening to rather depressing 2020 music while looking at it. Now a days in my teens and in everything that entitles, I cannot stop regretting so stupidly many things. The time I called my mother “dumb” (many years ago, as a pubescent teen) or when I made my grannie sad after refusing to go on a grannie-granddaughter shopping-trip (she used to take me on the trips to make me happy).
So, when looking at the past me in the photograph, I considered if life would be better if I were five.
I don’t have that many memories from when I was young. Most of the things I can remember are either weird or depressing (there are a bunch of just random memories to). And the depressing one are depressing in the way that I didn’t find it depressing when the memory occurred, but that I found it depressing when I reminisced the memory. -sorry, that was a lot of “depressing”.
I can’t remember ever thinking about how other people felt when I was a child. Before I turned 5, I probably only thought about myself and what made me happy. This could though be a total lie. But I don’t know. I can’t remember.
But if the 4-year-old me was 100% self-centred but my parents still loved me, that sounds like an easy and good life.
It sounds “easier” but that doesn’t necessarily mean “better”.
For me I feel really really really happy when someone does something for me without expecting something in return, but I feel even better when I do something for someone without wanting something in return. When I do it out of love and kindness.
So, I don’t know is “easier” really is “better”.
-Emma
